“If the world hates you, realize that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, the world would love its own; but because you do not belong to the world, and I have chosen you out of the world, the world hates you.”(John 15:18-19)
You are more than your looks.
Not gonna lie, I kind of want to leave it at that, but I know that it is easier to said than believed. I was never one that was “popular” and I was never one to be particularly attractive in high school. I used to be fake and what people wanted me to be in an attempt to somehow entice people to like me. When I came to college I was so worn out by the pretending that I gave up trying as much.
Oddly, that was when I started to make more friends. Slowly, I became “the popular girl”. At the end of the year, I was elected to a leadership position and was told after “that the only reason you got it is because you are popular”. Saying that to a girl who barely had friends the year before was like a dagger to the heart. My family backed unknowingly backed-up the lie saying that my greatest traits are being hard-working and having people skills. While those are good things, I took that to mean that I wasn’t smart and I was popular.
I started to justify every success I got with my ability to “smooth talk” or how good I was with people. If I got a “B” when it was close to a “B-”, it was because the professor liked me. An “A”, was because the class was generally easy and I got lucky. Every job offer, every award… No success was ever because of intelligence. It was because I was good with people.
The next year, I started to get complimented on my appearance all the time. That was the most frequently used compliment for me. I know they were trying to be kind, but it deepened the insecurity that everything I got wasn’t actually I result of something I earned, it is because I “am popular”.
This went on for a couple years until I realized how demeaning it was for me. I realized “being attractive and popular” became my identity. I realized that I had been dumbing myself down around people because no one expected me to be smart. They expected me to be stylish, energetic, bubbly and likable.
Let me tell you, I was never satisfied with being attractive or popular, once I made that my identity. I had to be more attractive, more liked, more praised.
So how do you determine if you are becoming “more” at something? You compare yourself to others. I compared myself to my friends, strangers, sisters… Everything became a competition and it was utterly exhausting.
I did not know what to do. I did not know it was that bad. Doesn’t every woman do this?
I was never satisfied with being attractive or popular, once I made that my identity. I had to be more attractive, more liked, more talked about.
Sadly, I don't think I am the only one who deals with this. In a world where “women are empowered” and social media tells us to be “a girl boss,” it seems like that is all we are not. We are not empowered to be ourselves and be comfortable in that. We are empowered to be the best at one thing.
On social media or television, we see women who are journalists or romantics or businesswomen, but no one is more than one thing. They are one thing that fits nicely into a categorized box with a color coated label and they are happy with it. Isn't that what the world tries to do with EVERYTHING? It's black or white, wrong or right, them or us… but we are not made by God to fit into a box. On the contrary, we should be empowered to be our truest versions, even though they may never fit comfortably into a box.
...We are not made by God to fit into a box.
The world "empowers" us to be the best and to determine what is the best, we must compare. I don’t want to be the best at any one thing and measure my success against my sisters in Christ.
Maybe you relate to this, maybe you don’t. I am sure though, that there is one thing the world has said you are, and at one point, you made that your identity.
Maybe people say you are smart, but never call you beautiful. Well my sister, you are beautiful. Maybe you have never been called strong, you are strong. Maybe you have taken your sin and worn it as a breastplate, announcing that as your identity. My sister, you can be forgiven and the sin can go away. There are so many boxes and categories that we let the world put us in because the world cannot understand that we don’t fit into a box.
You can be smart and sassy and beautiful and holy and wise and silly… You can be everything at the same time. My sister, you are the daughter of God. God doesn’t make things to put them in boxes, He makes them because He desires you to exist, be seen, and be loved by Him.
You are more than your looks. You are more than your intelligence. You are more than your good works. You are more than your sin. You are the glory of God. This is still something that I am continually working to fully believe and make as my identity too.
God doesn’t make things to put them in boxes, He makes them because He desires you to exist, be seen and be loved. You are more than your looks. You are more than your intelligence. You are more than your good works. You are more than your sin. You are the glory of God
My challenge for you: Find some girlfriends and make a commitment to each other to speak Truth of who you actually are over each other. Go and vanquish those lies the world tells you! More importantly, go to prayer and really ask God to show you how you think of yourself. Then ask God to show you who He says that you are(His words are directly in the Bible!). When you start to believe the lies, take God's words and speak those. It may take some time but continue to ask Him how He sees you and I guarantee you it will change your life.
Only joy,
Kate
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