Satan’s been at me lately, friends.
At this point in my life, God tends to speak to me through people; and in particular, the people who I love and care about the most. So of course it would make sense that Satan would try to find some devious, subtle ways to bring ruin to these relationships.
I’ve been feeling very lonely for an extended period of time lately, and Satan has been seriously preying upon this loneliness. I suspect that God is allowing me to feel this deep loneliness, in spite of having good friendships and familial relationships in my life, because He wants to draw me closer to myself. Although I am trying to allow myself to become closer to Him, that pitiful demonic wretch of the devil is trying to exploit this loneliness by planting seeds of doubt in my mind:
“You’re such an emotional person, Cecilia. Other people must really find you to be overwhelming.”
“You might be a loyal friend, but there’s nothing else that special about you as a friend. Why would anyone actually want to be friends with you? They’d probably be better off having different friends.”
I struggle with overthinking things to begin with, so these seeds of doubt - which are totally unreasonable thoughts and come out of literally nowhere - become a source of deep anguish for me. I suspect I’m not the only one who deals with doubt and overthinking, so even though I’m still figuring out how to deal with this in a productive, healthy manner, I want to share with you a few things that have helped me so far:
1. Offer it up.
2. Bring it to God in prayer.
3. Say a prayer for the other person.
4. Say a Hail Mary every time a doubtful thought crosses your mind.
No. 4 is one that I began to do this Lent, and it has been very effective so far in realizing how many times these unreasonable doubts cross my mind each day. It’s very important, however, to remember to always be sure to run to God and not let whatever prayer tool you use to battle the doubt to merely become a habit. God alone will fill your emptiness; God alone will fulfill the longings of your heart. This is not to say that you will be lonely forever! Unless you're being called to be a hermit (which is highly unlikely), God created us to be in community with each other. He did not create us to be lonely. However, He can use feelings of loneliness as a means to bring us closer in relationship with Himself.
If you are experiencing loneliness, be it true loneliness or simply a sense of loneliness like I am experiencing, I pray that you find deeper union with God through your season of loneliness. He grants rest to the weary; He grants comfort to those who mourn. He will never abandon you - you, who He thought of before He created the stars. And though it may seem as though the feelings of loneliness shall never end, this, too, shall pass.
God is with you, and so are my prayers.
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