Hello all! This is an introduction post for me. My name is Katelyn, I am a graduating senior, majoring in marketing, at Penn State. I am a cradle Catholic but I consider myself still relatively new to the Faith. From the outside, you would not have noticed my shaky faith. I was involved in all the stereotypical Catholic things, homeschooling, youth group, “Jesus Camps”, conferences and such. I always knew God was real, but in high school what I questioned was if He truly loved me.
You see, I had a re-conversion (re-dedication?) the summer I before I entered college. I still was not sure about God when I came to college, but after being blessed with mentors and a community, I found the person my heart has been longing for.
"I always knew God was real, but in high school what I questioned was if He truly loved me".
It was through questioning and spending time with Him that I got to know Him. Making an effort to spend 20 minutes five times a week was all the difference. Some days I would yell at Him, or I would cry, or rant, or just sit there and say nothing. It took months upon months for me to get comfortable being in His presence in the Tabernacle. What helped was a community that answered my questions, showed me God in their own lives and brought/encouraged me to go to the sacraments. I loved the community, but what bothered me still did not understand what the Church’s stance on women was.
It was when I realized the Truth to that question that my life made greater sense. I read 1 Corinthians 11: 1-16 and, through intense grace, it was like a switch was flipped. All the talks, discussions, and blogs I read made sense. I made sense. It was not that the Church was trying to box in women into the “ideal woman”. A woman who was quiet, girly, obsessed with men, and stayed at home. The Church has been saying that women deserve the highest respect, that we are infinitely loved, that we were never made to be inferior. In all aspects and in every person that is respect, love, and honor that is due. While those traits of what I thought to be the perfect woman are not bad, I didn’t identify with them. Because of that disconnect, I felt out of place in what seemed like an over-serious world of the Church. I couldn’t have been further away from the idea of what was Love.
"The Church has been saying that women deserve the highest respect, that we are infinitely loved, that we were never made to be inferior".
I let the media and other women change my perspective of the world. I thought if I was not frivolous I had to be a “strong, independent woman” who was hard-hearted. The freedom that came from knowing God: my Father, my Love, and my Guide is one that I hope everyone knows. That we can be multi-faceted, have many emotions, be loud, be quiet… Be whoever God made us to be and that we do not have to be one thing.
This was the spark that made me I started my personal ministry and this blog. Trying to show the world the joy, freedom, and love that comes from Christ. That what the world says will never satisfy. It will never answer the questions deep in your heart.
I was so dead inside living without God. It felt like a black hole was just sucking away any emotion out of my very self. Yet, when I surrounded myself with God I started to feel again. I started experience unfading joy, unending hope, massive love, and astounding peace. Yes, there was great pain and sadness that I started feeling as well, because our emotions are all or nothing. Even among the pain, the indescribable assurance of God overcomes all of that, because I believe He loves me.
His love was given to me and He was yearning for me to take it.
He is yearning for you to take it too. Have you?
This is my "yes". My "fiat".
"Yes, Jesus, I will let You love me."
That my friends, is how He resurrected me from the dead. He saves and restores and provides and strengthens and loves, just as He promised. And He continues to give me more than I could every deserve.
Your sister,
Katelyn
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